Q: Hello. I am having some problems right now and need your help/advice please. Me and my bf of 3 yrs just broke up. Yes I had my trust issues and went through his stuff. But we have both recognized that and will be going to get help, when I have the $$. But he also has his issues too. He is grieving the death of his mom bad and has guilt, It has been 5 yrs. He is always saying how empty and dead he feels inside and he cant love no one right now because of all this. this is killing me, we lived together for a yr and together for 3. I want him back and miss him so bad. Is there any coming back from this?
– Erica
A: If you are just now breaking up for the first time, there is certainly a chance you will get back together again. Usually, couples break up two or three times before the breakup becomes permanent. If you know that you contributed to the relationship faltering by being jealous, make up your mind not to do that again. I do not think checking on a boyfriend will make it less likely that he will be unfaithful–and it is certainly annoying. If your relationship does not come together again, that is something you should remember for the next time –and the next person. Even when there is real cause to suspect that someone is cheating, catching him as soon as you can will do no good. You will find out soon enough. Jealousy is not a sign of love, it is a sign of insecurity.
Like everyone in your situation, you are trying to make sense out of what your boyfriend is feeling. Unfortunately, trying to think over and over again of what he said is not helpful. The fact is people not only set out to deceive sometimes; they usually are not sure of what they feel in the first place. If you want to know if he will come back to you, do not pay much attention to what he says–one way or the other. You have to wait patiently to see what will happen.
– Dr. Neuman