“Ask Dr Neuman” Advice Column
The bible has the following recommendations: (Deuteronomy 21:18-21:21) 18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and [that], when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: 19...
“Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.” I was talking some time ago with a young, but not very young, friend of the family about how come she had not married. “There’s nobody around here that is eligible,” she said. “In New York City? Last time I...
When people cry, it is for a good reason. Start off with an idea that may seem controversial: whenever someone cries, it is because that person is sad—usually because of an impending loss or a remembered loss Most of the time it is obvious why someone cries: something...
The following is a true story, but the people have been disguised. As a psychiatrist, I spend much of my time talking to people who have been disillusioned and disenchanted by unhappy relationships. I ask them, and everyone else, for that matter, what attracted...
It Seems No One Ever Dies a Natural Death. Someone is always to blame. Some time ago a patient told me she was really angry at her brother for not taking their father to the hospital. “If he had got to the hospital in time, maybe they would have been able to save...
As it happens, by coincidence, a number of my patients have just been married or are planning to be married. Among these weddings, for the first time in my experience, are marriages between two women. And there have been a number of them. They do not seem to me...
Certain habits of mind are so common they are usually taken for granted, yet they can cause emotional distress and can contribute to the development of certain emotional disorders. Take, for example, the inclination some people have to be “very private.” Most people...
The natural pace of a dating relationship Throughout the animal kingdom—from mammals and birds down to insects—there are complicated mating rituals, behaviors we refer to archly as “courtship” rituals. Standing back and observing these behaviors from a respectful...
Married couples have to cope with all kinds of strains. Two people who love each other do not naturally pull in the same direction all the time. There are disagreements. How warm should the house be? Who should walk the dog in the morning? Whose family should we visit...
Most married couples develop a shared understanding of who does what in their relationship. It is a sometimes unspoken recognition of an inevitable division of labor and responsibilities. The current, commonly agreed, “politically correct” plan for marriage is an...
The etiquette of divorceEvery culture has developed rules for handling everyday business. Most of these go without saying. They have come into being because society has a stake in continuing to function under every conceivable circumstance. There are specific purposes...
First, let me say that I think the job of a psychiatrist is to be helpful. I want my patients to do well, in a way not dissimilar, I think, from the way someone might feel towards a brother. I am anxious that my patients not get into trouble. I will not, of course,...