“Ask Dr Neuman” Advice Column
Otherwise it won’t be good sex. When you stop to think about it—as I do from time to time—there are all kinds of unspoken rules that govern the way we conduct ourselves. I don’t mean just good manners—who opens the door or who holds the chair for someone else, or how...
The benefits of revenge—and the costs. Start with the idea that every feeling serves a purpose. A feeling is an internal signal to behave in a certain way. All feelings have a survival advantage, direct or indirect. Being fearful causes the fight or flight reaction,...
An important clue Alcoholism is defined usually as the abuse of alcohol to the extent that it interferes to a varying degree with physical health and with the social aspects of life, including work. It is compulsive and potentially addictive. It can present in...
Trying not to be too judgmental Last year around this time a patient of mine told me a story which has stuck in my mind and which she said I can tell again in this blog. She was celebrating St. Patrick’s day with a friend she had not seen for some time. Her friend was...
A solution to an unnecessarily fatal condition. A number of years ago I developed a leiomyosarcoma, which is an unusual form of abdominal cancer. Although I had previously been a health worrier, I was too caught up during the next number of days dealing with the very...
Raising the stakes. Many love relationships—maybe most love relationships—come to an end at some point when the people involved have come to know each other better, or when one or both have changed. Sometimes those involved have come simply to understand themselves...
There is, of course, the whole business of growing up. Someone may have been the class clown in grade school, the athlete in high school– or the nerd– and the partier in college. People change. Growing up, we are growing into and out of different roles,...
Keeping in mind that there are different degrees of rich. At some point along the way of psychotherapy, I usually ask my patients what they want to achieve in their lives. Very commonly, they reply that, among other things, they would like to be married. Only on very...
Guerrilla war When I went off to college, I roomed with a friend I had known for five or six years. We had always gotten along until we roomed together; but there are things you don’t know about somebody until you live with him. For instance, it turned out that he...
A mother’s lament In the typical way of human affairs, children grow up and become independent Being independent means having one’s own values and being able to express them no matter what others think. In the context of living with parents, it means being able to...
Given the fact that we are in existence for only a limited time, it is natural to ask oneself what is worth doing and what is not. We might otherwise find ourselves wasting time. Time is the only resource we have that we are always depleting and which cannot be...
Depends on how good a friend. Most people have friends. The importance of friendship is usually taken for granted, as would be the importance of having a good job or of having a supportive family. Because it so natural to want friends, it is hard to explain exactly...