Q: Dear doctor, I have often wondered and thought I should finally ask you. I think I am normal and well adjusted. Peers, family and friends find me friendly, down to earth, stable and helpful. I am in my mid thirties. I find I am very attracted to attractive women. In the sense I would happily, and helplessly choose my type of person over someone far more appropriate on other parameters. Like the woman I am seeing, I find her irresistible and think about her constantly. I am terrified of losing her and that I will not find anyone as physically perfect. So much so that this anxiety almost robs me of enjoying her presence. I feel I got lucky with her and she can do better easily and always. I tend to feel almost love for such people and am in love with her. So Doctor, am I superficial, or lusty, or…. I think one should appreciate beauty but it should not be so encompassing. Is this healthy? What would your guidance to me be please.
– Greg
A: Physical attractiveness is usually only important initially when people first meet. If you find that women have to be just so, with just so proportions, etc, that would be a problem. For one thing, not very many people are perfect physically. Over time, everyone becomes less attractive physically. Over the course of decades women begin to look old. The fact that their husbands are attracted to them physically still is an indication of the lessening importance of physical attractiveness. Other considerations begin to matter much more: a shared life with common interests and goals, and children.
– Dr. Neuman