Q: Dear Dr Neuman, I decided to look up phobias and came across your column , I ordered your book Rising above fear figuring I had nothing to loose. I had read other books on anxiety but nothing seemed to relate to me. I also attended therapy but that did not work either. Within the first chapter of your book I was wiping away the tears because” this is me” and someone finally understood what its like, the information and tools you provided has given me motivation to go out work on these phobias , (my phobias are of Bridges, freeways and elevators) I am a phobic who feels panic before the situation but when I am in it I get a sense of relief. I want to thank you for writing this book I finally feel like I can work towards getting better. My question is how do I get my spouse to understand my phobia and not just tell me its irrational? It seems to just add to my anxiety. Thank you
– Lisa G.
A: I am happy that my book looks like it will be helpful to you. Spouses can be helpful in treatment, or they can get in the way. Certainly, his helping should start with reading about the illness so he understand better what is troubling you. Sure, agoraphobia is irrational; but that does not mean it is easy to stop. Chapter seven of the book is brief, and it details the role of family in treating the condition. A spouse can be a helper. Some of the mistakes your husband can make as a helper is deciding by himself what you can or cannot do on a particular practice session. It should go without saying that he should not belittle your achievements when they do occur, but I’m afraid that often happens. Good luck.
– Dr. Neuman