Q: Hello Doc,I have social anxiety and recently I feel bad about relationships with friends and family. I feel like we are taken for granted. Most of my hubby’s family always want to come over to our place and stay for dinner etc, but it never occurs to them to invite us over. They keep on asking if we are free and whether they can come …Now a days, we just keep quiet(earlier we always used to ask them to come over, whenever they asked). Am I missing something or how can i pass them the message. Same with some of our friends. I feel it is much better if I understand their point of view?I always believed that relationships should be two-way street, but most of ours or not. Are we to blame for this, if so how to deal with these situations better.thanks
– Sally
A: Yes, you are missing something, and yes, you are to blame. It is not unreasonable for a friend to suggest coming over to your house if you always seem to welcome the suggestion. When you do not wish them to come, you should say that their coming is not convenient. “We’ll call you when our time frees up a little.” Or make some similar remark. If you keep saying “no,” they will catch on. Frankly, I think a different response is preferable. Tell them you really don’t like making plans at the last minute. Tell them you will call them when you would like them to come over. And then I would invite them to come three weeks in the future. When they invite themselves, make an excuse and turn them down.
Also, I think you are entitled to say (as everyone else does) “How come you never invite us over?”
– Dr. Neuman