A guide for bigots.
Homosexuality is in the news a lot these days, what with homosexuals getting married and homosexuals serving in the armed forces and homosexuals forming their own soft-ball leagues. Societal attitudes towards homosexuality are changing. It is no longer acceptable for young men who have been drinking after a hard day at work to find a gay man to beat up. I would say that this sort of bullying is viewed now universally with disapproval, ranking somewhat below anti-Semitism and on a par, perhaps, with racial discrimination. (Even in my day, beating up homosexuals was regarded as improper (“non-U.”)) Because of these changing attitudes, those who hate or despise, or disapprove of, or who are disgusted by, homosexuality, are somewhat at a loss.
I had a patient speak to me recently of having inadvertently attended a small conclave of anti-gay bigots. These are people who probably condemn killing homosexuals outright, but who are nevertheless inclined to use words such as “fag” when speaking of gay men. (The word “fag” demonstrates the mutability of language. “Fag” was used during World War One to refer to a cigarette—as in “Got an extra fag, mate?”) “Conclave,” by the way, is used in this instance to refer to a group of three men. A much larger group would have been spoken of as a “convention.”)
One man in this group reported that a homosexual couple had moved in down the street from where he lived. He was disturbed by the effect that might have on property values. Also, he worried about whether or not it was safe for his elderly mother to walk his young children up and down the block. There was talk back and forth about the dangers of AIDS and other venereal diseases, including worms (which is not technically a venereal disease; but these were not, apparently, well- educated men.) All of the men were nonplussed.
I think bigots would feel less upset if they had a better understanding of the lives of homosexual men and women. Therefore, I attempt below to make certain matters plain.
Frequently asked questions:
- Are homosexuals turned on by using the men’s room?
I am referring here, of course, to male homosexuals. (You never find women, homosexual or not, using a men’s room unless the line is too long at the women’s bathroom. Under those circumstances there are no reports, as far as I know, of the woman in question being attacked by an undiscovered man in one of the stalls, or vice versa.)
When I was a kid, I was warned away from using the men’s room at Penn Station. When speaking of this, my mother never explained exactly why; but I understand now that she was hinting at some untoward homosexual behavior. Since I always took admonitions of this sort seriously, I cannot speak of what went on in the Penn Station men’s room. I was never there. For similar reasons, I cannot speak authoritatively about whether or not it is true that vacationers sunning themselves on a beach are really in danger of being bitten by a shark. Our family never approached within a mile of a beach.
Since growing up, I have been on a number of beaches and God knows in how many public bathrooms, and I have never been attacked by a homosexual or a shark. No homosexual I have ever treated has ever told me of any unwanted or inappropriate thoughts that occurred to him in that setting. Either setting. I have noticed that some men hunch over the urinals and look neither to the left nor to the right; but I think they are basically shy and are not afraid of being attacked suddenly if their genitals should inadvertently come into view.
- Are homosexuals becoming more numerous? They seem to turn up everywhere these days.
When I attended Princeton University around the time Eisenhower was elected president, there were no homosexuals in my class of 800 men—or so it seemed, anyway. I never heard of anyone admitting to being homosexual. In fact, I never remember a conversation during those four years when homosexuality was the topic of conversation. Of course, there were no women at Princeton in those days either, and I realize there were women in existence nevertheless back then.
I am not sure Princeton was a typical college, anyway, now that I stop to think about it. For instance, there were strict rules about sex. No one was allowed to have sex after seven P.M. This rule, which seemed arbitrary to me, was enforced rigorously. A friend was suspended during my freshman year after being discovered in the woman’s bathroom after seven o’clock with a woman whom he subsequently married. The seriousness of their relationship was not considered an excuse.
Since no reliable statistics existed in those days, I cannot say definitely that there are more homosexuals now than there were then. But there were definitely no homosexual parades on campus back then on Halloween.
- Do homosexuals wish to reproduce their kind?
One would think that if homosexuality was a genetic condition of some sort, that homosexuality would die out in two or three generations. This is because two people of the same sex cannot reproduce without help from others. Nevertheless, throughout history, and in every place, there have been, and are, homosexuals. Is this a sign that it is an infectious condition? No. Impressionable children cannot be persuaded to give homosexuality a try by sweet talk from a teacher or a boy scout leader. It is hard enough to convince them to bathe regularly, let alone get them to take off their clothes in unfamiliar settings. I had trouble getting my own children to try unfamiliar foods.
- Are homosexuals potentially dangerous if they team up?
No. Homosexuals are very different from each other and not inclined to favor each other over strangers. My personal experience suggests that lesbians like to team up for soft-ball and gay men seem to like volley ball, but that is as far as it goes. I think it is fair to say homosexuals are more likely to be Democrats than Republicans.
- Is it true that all homosexual die young, since you never see old homosexuals hanging around?
No. I think the people who ask this question are confusing homosexuals with elephants. You never see any old elephants because they go to this secret place when they are ready to die. Or so the story goes. I am not sure if this is true. There are plenty of old homosexuals around; but you never get to see them unless you look for them. I am told the same thing by some of my patients about hawks and other predator birds. They are all around, but you do not see them unless you use binoculars.
- Do homosexuals foam at the mouth?
Of course not. These libelous suggestions are made by people who bear homosexuals ill will. Homosexuals do not typically mutter or mumble, and, certainly, they do not foam at the mouth. They do not have bad breath or twitch unpleasantly. They are like the rest of us. Neither do they dress, for the most part, more stylishly than the rest of us.
- Where do homosexuals go after death?
The bible, which is thought by some to be inspired, suggests that homosexuals will end up in hell. I do not think it explicitly expresses an opinion on those who are bisexual. Then again, my reading of the bible suggests that other sins are more important, such as not respecting your parents. Dante’s “Inferno,” which is also inspired according to a patient of mine, who is an English professor, suggests that sodomites end up in the third ring of the seventh circle of hell along with blasphemers and usurers. But technically speaking, I am not sure sodomy is limited always to homosexuals. (Look it up.) Suppose you don’t believe in heaven or hell? They may be headed for some still undiscovered place; but I do not think, judging from my experience with homosexuals, that they are as concerned about these matters as much as their critics are.
I hope these remarks provide some comfort to those who see homosexuality as an insidious attack on the American way of life, being anti-religious and, also, anti-the second amendment. The truth is there are some very religious homosexuals, although they may have trouble with some tenets of Orthodox Judaism, or, possibly, fundamental Christianity, or Islam. Otherwise they fit right in in religious circles. In the matter of the second amendment, I have never heard any of my patients express an adverse opinion on the right to bear arms. And they seem to like baseball just as much as the next guy. (c) Fredric Neuman 2013