Q: I am 30, with a good job, a lot of friends.However, on a personal field I am very insecure ( fear of rejection?). I tend to play ”hard to get”, being sometimes not really encouraging and cynical. Of course, guys give up at a time, and I always have a good excuse that it would not work anyway. I am a really good and devoted friend, but very impatient and insecure on a personal field. How to deal with the vicious cycle?
A: I think if you know that you tend to respond in ways that discourage someone approaching or committing himself to you, you are a long way along to changing. I never think it appropriate to play “hard to get” or to be “cool.” It is obvious that most men will tend to warm up to someone who makes clear that she likes them. But there are some men who are, indeed, attracted to women who are elusive. They are troubled in general and best avoided. I deal with them sometimes. When they have managed to make an elusive woman like them, they lose interest, with the result that they are endlessly pursuing but not capturing anyone.
In general, whether it is in a social context or at work, I encourage an enthusiastic, pro-active attitude. Most things are more readily attained if they are pursued actively.
– Dr. Neuman