Q: I suffer from severe anxiety,and the internet is becoming the latest source of some of my panic attacks.. When I was in junior high school (ages 13-14) I posted a lot of silly things on there, some of which I absolutely cannot delete because I’ve lost access to old accounts. Google search has become my enemy, and I am unable to deal with the intense fear and anxiety I am experiencing due to this. Is this irrational? I don’t like these pages existing – all of these things feel like skeletons in my closet or a reminder to me of how innocent/silly/stupid I used to be. How can I make sense of what I feel and get over this? I know it is in the past but it makes me feel SO anxious… I wish I didn’t grow up during the age of the internet.
– Janet F
A: I don’t know very much about the internet. Certainly if there is any way you can remove things you regret, that would be wise. In fact, I advise everyone not to put anything at all in print (including E-mails) that you would not want EVERYONE to see. However, let’s say that you cannot. I think we have all done and said things we regret. Even if we are not reminded of those things all the time, they will still lurk in the back of the mind.
Since everyone has done or said such things, every sensible person will understand how it can happen. A fiance, for example, will understand sexual indiscretions–as long as they seem part of the past. If he cannot, then he cannot; but others will.
This is a common problem, I’m afraid. Sooner or later we all have to come to terms with the past. Usually I recommend telling the important people in your life before they find out from someone else. I have encouraged people–including one woman–to tell her husband of a long jail sentence she once served. I thought he would understand, just as I did. I really did not condemn her in my mind.
– Dr. Neuman