Q: I’m sorry if this question is dumb or difficult to follow. I have had thoughts of suicide since I was a teenager and I’m now 32. I’m so used to them that they are almost normal to me and I understand that there are times when the thoughts are intense and times when I don’t feel suicidal. I attempted to kill myself officially once and that leads to my question. At the time I denied to the hospital that I was trying to kill myself and in that moment I believed that was true. They didn’t believe me and involuntarily made me stay and after that experience I stopped talking about my thoughts and avoided getting help. I did in fact try to kill myself and had they released me I would have gone back to my dorm room and jumped. I’m in therapy now and two months ago my therapist called 911&I had to go to the hospital. I managed to talk my way out of being admitted. I’m confused about whether or not I would have actually acted on my thoughts. Is it uncommon for a person to not be certain if they can stay safe? Looking back, I was out of control and my therapist was right so why is it that I still believe I was ok? Can it be possible for me to be a danger to myself while believing I’m not? It’s not that I’m lying about it it’s that I believe I’m fine and at the same time doing things that are dangerous. What is wrong with me? Currently I’m doing much better and not suicidal. I just wonder about this in case it happens in the future.
– Renee D
A: Many people who are simply depressed have thoughts about how they would be better off dead. Some people go further and contemplate the idea of killing themselves. It is possible to have such “suicidal ideation” without ever becoming a serious suicide risk. However, you have made a suicide attempt; and so any thoughts you have of suicide have to be taken seriously. Right now you are not suicidal. That illustrates a fact that everyone who works with suicidal patients knows: someone can be actively suicidal one day will not be so inclined a few weeks later–especially if they have been treated with medication. Consequently, it would be especially tragic if they killed themselves during a temporary period of despondency.
There are many reasons why people consider killing themselves. They may be simply angry –at themselves or at others. They may feel comforted by the idea that if life becomes intolerable, there is a way out.
Try to keep in mind that if you make a suicide attempt, you are likely to regret it later on, judging from what other people say afterwards.. If you are successful, there is no chance for regrets. Most of the patients I have treated following a suicide attempt have not made a second attempt subsequently.Evidently they have found a reason to stay alive.
– Dr. Neuman