“Ask Dr. Neuman”

Advice Column

My committed boyfriend had sex with someone else

by | Nov 1, 2014 | Ask Dr Neuman

Q: My committed boyfriend had sex with someone else and then apologized. I forgave him and then he broke up with me saying “why bother making up….I wish you would just hate me”Dr.would you please interpret this man speak! I know how much better than that he is. I told him I believe in him andwas willing to give him a second chance. He said no.Why is he choosing this stand?
– Ann M.

A: I keep encouraging my correspondents (and patients) not to pay any attention to what their partners say in a romantic relationship. Pay attention to what they do. What is plain is that right now your boyfriend does not want to continue the relationship. The reasons he gives do not matter. He may not know them himself. Suppose he thinks that he is  not ready to settle down, or that he is  really attracted to this other woman–or to other women– or suppose he feels he is no longer attracted to you–he is likely to make any excuse for breaking up the relationship. Exactly what he says does not matter.

It is possible he may change his mind–even that you may change your mind after time passes–but he cannot predict that and neither can you. Only time will tell.
– Dr. Neuman