Q: My wife and I are separated after 20 years of marriage and we are contemplating getting back together.& 22 years together. She and I would both like to reconcile our relationship. She wants me to date and court her. I would like to do that, but how do you start over dating again after living with someone for 22 years? I know a lot about her and she knows plenty about me too.
A: I think your wife is probably talking about doing those things that men and women do when they are first courting: planning ahead of time to see each other on a particular evening, going out to dinner to talk, or going to any of the places you used to go to. And then not expecting to sleep over, unless you are expressly invited. I would call her on the telephone every day just to see what she is doing and to tell her what you are doing. I would expect to behave this way for at least a few weeks. You might plan an excursion of a few days, such as a weekend in a nearby city or even a cruise. I think your wife does not want to be taken for granted. I think being friendly is always a good idea. I would not arrange to see her and then do the things a married couple might do–she’s in the kitchen while you’re watching television. I would treat her respectfully, (and, of course, try to avoid doing those things that led you to breakup in the first place.)
– Dr. Neuman