Some years ago I woke up in the middle of the night hearing my brother call my name. I lived in New York and he lived, at the time, in Los Angeles. I heard his voice clearly. But as soon as I awoke, I knew that was not possible. He was in California. But the experience was so vivid, I got up and looked out of my bedroom window into the driveway, even though I knew he was not there. Even if my brother had suddenly arrived unexpectedly, he would have come to the front door and rung the doorbell. He would not have called to me from my driveway.
The next day I called my brother to find out what he was doing at the exact moment I heard him call out to me. He was sleeping.
You don’t hear a story like that very often. Why? Because it is not an interesting story. But suppose he had died at that very moment. (Or fifteen minutes before. Or fifteen minutes after.) That would have been a story worth repeating. It would be an example of the psychic forces that seem to irrupt whenever there is a catastrophe. But he would not have had to die to make the coincidence interesting. He could have fallen ill at that precise moment. He could have had a stroke, or a heart attack, even a really bad stomachache; and it would still have been an exciting story. He could have fallen out of bed at that precise moment. He could have fallen down and broken his arm. Or suppose at that very moment (give or take 15 minutes) his wife, Robin, had had a stroke or fallen down and broken her arm. That would still be a pretty good story. What if there had been an earthquake at that very moment? That would have been not so good a story, but not bad either. Some people would have been impressed to learn that I heard my brother calling out to me just when an earthquake was shaking his house (give or take 15 minutes ) Since earthquakes happen in Los Angeles every week or so, it would not have been a really impressive story.
Human beings seem to be struck by coincidence. If I happened to be wearing a polo shirt with an ink spot on it during the first three games of a Yankee winning streak, maybe I should continue to wear that shirt until they lose. And I will feel more strongly about it if they continue to win. Sooner or later, they will lose. Does that mean the magic in the polo shirt has worn off?
Superstitious people, even some who are not obviously very superstition, tend to believe in mysterious psychic powers that exert their influence instantaneously across vast distances in violation of the laws of physics. Since my brother was likely to be doing something at the time I heard him call out to me, someone inclined to see cause and effect can usually find some tortured connection between my experience and his. But not this time: he was sleeping.
Important Principle: People remember coincidences when they are consistent with their beliefs, otherwise they do not remember them, or remember the times when there was no such coincidence. No one bothers to tell stories where nothing happens. People are only struck by confirming events. For that reason, people who tend to believe in psychic connections have no awareness of all the times when they do not happen.
By the way, I have since come to terms with the fact that I sometimes hear things in my sleep which never happened. Every once in a while, I wake up hearing a door slam, or someone calling out to me. I no longer get up to check to see if there is someone there.
“Ask Dr Neuman” Advice Column
