Q: “What both men and women try to do during these first meetings is to convey something of themselves. They want the other person to see that idealized version of themselves that they themselves see.”That actually seems to explain quite a lot of the difficulty I have in cultivating a relationship. I’m not great at seeing an idealized version of myself, let alone trying to present that to another person.Any ideas?
– Anonymous
A: I think you’re saying that you don’t have a very good self-image. Everyone has a version of themselves they would like to live up to–garnered from the movies and other stories–and from the successful people around them.But just in case you don’t think of yourself as smart, or funny, or capable, or charming,(not many people can manage charming) let me suggest a particular way of being:
friendly, considerate, and kind.
Over the years, I have asked married women what they liked about their husbands when they first met them. Often they say “attractive”, but just as often they say he was “nice.”
– Dr. Neuman